Even Through Cloudy Days
by MedliSage
Summary: "Come on," Neku said, standing up out of his chair and walking over to the bed. "You never let me get away without telling you this kind of stuff." He sat down on the bed's edge, his gaze still fixated on Joshua. His voice then dropped to just a bit of a softer tone as he added, "Let me try and help you out."


1:02AM. Neku turned his head from the digital clock on his desk to the figure laying on his bed. He had promised himself that if 1AM came and he was still there, Neku would just force him out. Somehow. Tomorrow was a school day and Neku had to get up at six; would he enjoy the company longer? Sure. Was he also exhausted after staying up until 3 the previous night to finish a project he left to the last second? Yes. So with a sigh Neku asked, "Hey, when are you going to get off my bed so I can… you know, go to bed?"

Joshua slowly met his gaze. Neku looked a bit odd at this angle, almost upside-down – Joshua was laying with his feet toward the pillows, and his head hanging a bit off the edge of the bed. After a few moments he simply shrugged lazily, casting his eyes back to some empty spot on the ceiling.

"You're acting weird," Neku said, stating the obvious; even if he didn't know Joshua as well as he did it would be obvious to anyone that something was off at this point. Which now that Neku thought about it, maybe it was a bit weird that he knew Joshua this well, in the span of just a month after they met up since the end of the Long Game, but that was beside the point. It wasn't the fact that Joshua had randomly appeared in Neku's room some two hours ago – no, by now Neku was used to Joshua's sudden drop-ins. It was the fact that they had barely talked at all; sure, Neku had been a little busy with his follow-up paper, but even when he was doing schoolwork the two of them would often stay up talking until Neku had to go to bed or Joshua had to go. But tonight Joshua had been as quiet as a mouse, and had spent his time in its entirety laying on Neku's bed and staring off into the distance.

"Am I?" Joshua replied after a pause, still looking up at the ceiling.

"Yeah. Since you first showed up and forgot to take off your shoes before you got on the bed, and you haven't been fixing your hair nearly as much."

"Aren't you just so perceptive?" Joshua finally looked over at Neku, a small smirk on his face. "That's a very admirable quality in a boyfriend, you know."

"Whatever," Neku hastily replied, almost stammering. The light sarcastic quip eased his heart a bit, but Joshua was still obviously not himself. "Don't change the subject. What's wrong?"

Joshua said nothing. Instead, he only moved his gaze back to the ceiling, and gave a small sigh.

"Come on," Neku said, standing up out of his chair and walking over to the bed. "You never let me get away without telling you this kind of stuff." He sat down on the bed's edge, his gaze still fixated on Joshua. His voice then dropped to just a bit of a softer tone as he added, "Let me try and help you out."

"I think you've done enough of that," Joshua replied quietly, voice completely void of its usual flippancy.

Neku wasn't quite sure what he meant; after all, tonight they hadn't talked at all, really. But regardless he moved on. "If you don't want to talk to me for whatever reason… that's okay. But if something's bothering you so much that it made you lay apathetically on my bed for two hours, I think maybe you should at least talk to Mr. H about it."

Then Joshua sat up, and his hands started to grip at the bed sheet with visible tightness. "Like he wants to talk to me." His voice was a bit quiet and almost bitter, his eyes still refusing to meet Neku's.

Neku tensed a bit – that wasn't quite the response he had been expecting, though he wasn't sure what he was expecting in the first place. He knew he had to tread carefully about this one – there was only one thing that could be causing this kind of rift between Mr. H and Joshua. "Has… he not been talking to you since the end of the Game?"

"When he has to he does," Joshua said – now his tone was a bit softer, and he brought his legs up close to his chest. "But… no. Not really."

"Maybe this is something you should bring up with him –"

"Maybe it would be better if I didn't go back there."

For a moment Neku was silent – it was so strange to see Joshua like this, so open and raw, speaking without giving his words any kind of thought, without any of his usual giggles or sarcasm or anything like that. Since they had met up again, Neku had had many opportunities – which surprised him, frankly – to see Joshua being open about his thoughts and feelings, but it was never something like this – not this bitterness, almost a kind of virulence. It left Neku wondering how long this had been weighing on Joshua's mind – well clearly it had been since the end of the Game, but how hard did it have to be pressing on his chest for him to speak on such impulse like that?

"Joshua…" Neku finally said, "I think – no, I_ know_ that Mr. H really cares about you. He –"

"He tried to kill me. And he couldn't even do it himself." A pause, as his voice cracked a bit. "And now he won't even talk to me."

Without giving it any thought Neku put one of his hands over Joshua's, squeezing it just a bit. He definitely had never heard Joshua so _hurt_ like this, and he started to feel his own heart pound painfully in his chest a bit – right now he just wanted to fix this, as fast as he could, no matter what, so that Joshua was smiling and giggling and happy.

"Mr. H… had to make a really difficult decision."

"I know that," Joshua said quickly, meeting Neku's eyes for just a second. "I know he didn't have a choice. I know I shouldn't –"

"I'm not saying your feelings are invalid, or anything like that. I… can't imagine how you must feel." Neku bit his tongue; the closest thing he could think of flashed into his mind, and it was the memory of finding out just who the Composer was, and how betrayed Neku had felt in that moment, how hurt and _betrayed_ – "I'm just saying that I think he's distancing himself from you because he feels guilty. _Because_ he cares about you so much. And if you haven't spoken to him at all about it, for all he knows, you hate him now. ...Do you?"

"...No," Joshua replied quietly. "How could I? He was only doing what everyone else was trying to do."

"Josh –"

"There wasn't a single person who didn't want me dead," Joshua kept on without pause. "The Reapers, Megumi, your friends I'm sure, even Mr. H –"

"I didn't." Neku turned himself a bit more, before tightly grabbing onto Joshua's other hand as well. Joshua's glossy eyes snapped up to meet Neku's gaze, and Neku felt Joshua's muscles tense. "I didn't. No matter what I said, no matter how hurt I was, I… never wanted that."

"Why?" Joshua asked, moving his eyes back down, his voice almost inaudible. "Why didn't you just do it?"

"...Did you want me to?"

Joshua's gaze moved back up to Neku, then back down again, and he bit his tongue almost hard enough to draw blood. "...You're better fit for this than I am. You've changed."

"And so have you," Neku said, leaning in just a bit closer. "The fact that you didn't destroy Shibuya – and brought back all of us – is proof of that." There was a silence, but Joshua said nothing, and so Neku continued, "Listen… things are going to get better between you and Mr. H. It might take some time, but I really think that things will go back to how they used to be. They'll probably be better. And, uh…" Neku looked away a bit, suddenly feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his chest, "I… I'm your friend, now." Then he met Joshua's eyes and said quietly, "I won't let you be alone again."

For a few moments, they sat there, both of them frozen – and then Neku felt Joshua's hands moving a bit, his fingers sliding up and interlacing with Neku's. Neku felt a tiny smile tug at his lips as Joshua giggled softly. "Aren't you just a sweetheart," he almost mumbled, looking up at Neku with a small smile on his face – not one of his usual smirks, but a genuine smile.

"Whatever," Neku replied quietly, smile still stuck on his face.

Joshua looked down again, his smile fading a bit. "I'm sorry," he said, almost inaudibly.

"You already apologized," Neku replied. He had a strong urge right then to just pet Joshua's hair, to stroke the side of his face a bit – and he could feel his face heating up from just the thought of it, and just kept his hands tightly woven with Joshua's. "It's all fine now."

"I mean… for tonight."

Neku smiled at him, squeezing his hands just a bit. "You always listen to me when something's bothering me. It's what friends do. So… don't be sorry."

Joshua looked up and gave him a small smile back. There was another silence, though this one was light and tranquil – and suddenly it crashed on Neku like a wave how tired he was, but right now he didn't care at all.

"You look exhausted," Joshua finally said. "Come on."

"Huh?"

Joshua turned himself around, letting go of one of Neku's hands, and then fell back onto the bed the correct way, lightly pulling Neku down with him. "Let's get some sleep."

"You better not hog the blanket," Neku said, shifting the covers out from under and pulling them over Joshua and himself.

Joshua turned on his side to face Neku, squeezing his hand a bit and giggling. "I'll try. And you better not make any moves on me while I'm sleeping."

"As if."

"We could just stay up now and get it over with, if you like."

"Go to sleep." Neku looked over at Joshua, a felt a wave of intense heat rush to his face – he looked cute, with the blanket pulled up past his chin, his hair more tousled than usual, and for some reason the sight of him all curled up in Neku's bed of all places made Neku feel like his head was spinning just a bit.

"You too." Joshua scooted just an inch closer – or maybe it was Neku's imagination. "Sweet dreams."

"Sweet dreams, Josh."


End file.
